Remodeling and construction projects have been on my mind lately. It’s no mystery when practically everyone I know is either remodeling an older home or building a new home. If a house is a metaphor for life, then what does that say when everyone you know is remodeling. Life as a remodel? It fits since we are all pretty much past our mid-life crises (well, some of us seem to be in a constant state of crisis) but we’ve learned that life is about change – dealing with it and creating it. All our friends have found themselves in the position of being able to make some external changes to their environment to match an internal change that may have been years in the making. Circumstances change, styles change, maybe the kids have left home or the dog died or there is finally enough money set aside to make a long-held dream come true. Some changes are basically cosmetic and some are major. My brother literally jacked the roof up and replaced the house. Let’s just say it was a case of extreme termite control but will also be psychologically cathartic when it’s over. My emails and phone calls have been filled with construction lingo and listening to the emotional roller coaster people go through during a construction project. One time the contractor is a saint and miracle worker, the next time he is a blundering idiot. People get so touchy when their kitchen is torn up and they can’t make their morning coffee.

I’m one of those odd people who actually enjoyed the building process. I loved building our house. Even now 12 years later, I can look at the walls and see through the layers down to the studs and remember with a tingle when the framed walls went up. Magic happens when a house is built – when it’s just the foundation, it looks impossibly large, then when the walls go up, it looks way too small and finally when everything is in place, it looks just right. It’s creativity at a high level. Granted, you have to go through the frustration and emotional turbulence levels to get to the creativity level, but once I got there, I found it very satisfying. I admit when it was over, I thought “I will never go through that again!” but as time goes on and I’m watching everyone else’s construction and remodel projects, I’m starting to get the itch.

Even though our home is almost 12 years old, to me it’s still Our New House. When someone new comes to visit, I still give the grand tour. It still looks great – having a “no shoes” rule really helps. Somehow the house feels too young to be remodeled but old enough to start showing signs of aging. How could it possibly be in need of a face lift or a tummy tuck? Well, we did start the new year off with the furnace dying. Happy New Year! The refrigerator started to make rude noises at odd hours in the summer. Why do appliances that you don’t like never wear out? I had a Harvest Gold clothes dryer that lasted almost 20 years and looked hideous in the new house but it just wouldn’t die. And then there’s the septic system. For my birthday in October, I got to use “pump” as both a noun and a verb: “I got a new septic pump for my birthday” and “Our septic tank was pumped out for my birthday.” I understand that the industry builds in obsolescence, but instead of feeling like just replacing the items that have worn out, I have this strong urge to rip out a wall or two and get all new furniture too.

Remember how when you were a kid and it seemed like you always had the same furniture or the same towels all your life? You wondered how your parents could stand to live with the same stuff around them for soooo long. What they found comforting you found stifling. Plus, at least in our house, money was tight and if things weren’t broken or torn, we “made do.” Realistically, if you were, let’s say 17, you could probably only remember back to when you were 5 or so, which would make the furniture and towels about 12 years old. Hmmm... There goes the space time continuum thingy again. Maybe that’s why I feel like I need a change when change isn’t really necessary – it’s a time dilation issue. Help, my towels are stuck in some time warp and just won’t wear out.

But I’ve also noticed our culture as a whole seems to be obsessed with change. Dissatisfaction meets boredom and wham! It’s project time. Why would anyone voluntarily undertake a remodel? That’s just nuts. First of all, if you’re married, it’s a tremendous test of your relationship. I’m talking major negotiating skills and diplomacy. I’m talking having your feelings hurt over chrome or brass bathroom fixtures. Stress levels peak during color selection sessions; tempers flair over lighting fixtures decisions; harsh words are exchanged over flooring issues. And one partner always has an ability to “visualize” and can’t understand why the other one “just can’t see it.” It’s dust and sawdust in every nook and cranny. Let’s face it, it’s just not healthy. Then why did I enjoy it when we were going though it and why do I now have remodel envy?

I’ve thought about moving. I’ve thought about re-arranging the furniture. I’ve even helped Tom in the yard. Transplanting plants and changing the yard did help a bit, but I’m still not satisfied.

But back to the remodel metaphor. Maybe the house isn’t the issue – it could be my life needs a remodel and I’m looking for a little external chaos to match my internal chaos. Perhaps it’s time to re-examine my life goals and make some major life changes. If that’s the case, where’s my hammer? It just might be easier to knock down some walls!