In our last article we explained that our reason for writing on the subject of How To Be Meaningfully Depressed was that humor can be a valuable tool in therapy and in the attainment and maintenance of mental health. We also pointed out that we are using the “how to” approach because there seem to be so many people who work overtime digging their own mental health holes or pits. On the surface, they appear intent on making their lives miserable by persisting in or practicing behaviors and mental habit patterns that are guaranteed to produce a self inflicted depression. If this is really the case, why not offer some tips on how to do it really well!

Many depressed people resist getting help for themselves. This is partly due to the nature of depression itself, which includes that hopeless and helpless feeling that robs them of motivation. Often times, they appear to friends and family as weak, lazy and self-pitying. More often they are cajoled with “Shape up,” “Get off your duff,” and “Show a little spunk.” This too, then adds to their resistance to getting help, for to do so would be another admission of weakness and flawed character. Hopefully, with a little of our prodding humor, our depressed friends might recognize how they bring on their own depression and get moved to do something about it.

Our last article described how Being Without Any Meaningful Goals can be a potent and effective way to get depressed. I have also found that another very effective way to do so (if that is your intent), is to strive for and keep on striving for perfection. (This seems to be a fairly popular method.)

Be A Perfectionist

Behavioral science defines a perfectionist as, “a person who has learned an internal motivation to strive for perfection based on the belief that self-worth is equated with performance.” In short, the perfectionist is afraid to do something unless he or she is certain it can be done completely and perfectly, because failure is unacceptable, and anxiety-or -depression producing. Actually, many procrastinators are really perfectionists stalling for time!

Perfectionism is a sure fire method of working up a good depression because the very act of trying to achieve it is almost always doomed to failure and frustration with one’s self. It leads to damaged self esteem (which is always an important factor in mental health), and damaged self esteem, if severe enough leads to feelings of depression and feelings of the “Great Black Funk.” Perfectionists often suffer from feelings resulting from thoughts of “I’m not good enough,” and “Why can’t I be (do) better?” or, “What if I fail again?” “What will people say?” With enough real or imagined failures, the person is left with that most devastating and depressing thought and conviction that “I am truly a flawed person!” To believe that can be really depressing!

Another definition says that “Perfectionism refers to a set of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching... unrealistic, if not impossible goals.” In fact, when push comes to shove, in many instances, perfection can’t really even be defined.

An additional well proven method of beating down your self-esteem and thereby producing more depression, is to idealize someone else; a co-worker or friend or parent. See that other person as “perfect” or ideal and then compare yourself to that model. Once again, you will find it virtually impossible to measure up to, equal, or be as good as that standard. Once again, failure rears its ugly head. If only you could be as good as so and so, but since you can’t, not only might you experience depression resulting from more failure, but you may have even more depression because that person will no doubt notice how poorly you have performed.

Striving to be perfect is virtually a guarantee of failure, self esteem loss and depression. We see it in different ways; our own unrealistic standards; trying to measure up to someone else’s standard; comparing oneself to others. In fact there are so many different ways that practicing perfectionism can depressingly disrupt one’s life. How it effects relationships with others is just one example which can be a complete subject in itself.

Again, we can see that achieving a meaningful depression is not really so hard after all. But to get really good at it, it helps to practice. Practicing the art of perfectionism can help lead toward a life filled with depression.

In any case, if depression is what you are seeking, then striving for perfection is one of the popular ways to do it. Of course, it is important that you do it exactly the right way. Do it perfectly.

James G. Bennett, MSW, DCH is a psychotherapist, counselor and author in the field of Mental Health, He may be reached at 1(509) 656-3016 E-mail: namaskar@ezpc.com.